Visionaries: Episode 15, Holiday Helpers by Susan Gray

It’s easy to get caught up in the holiday preparation rush.  Planning Thanksgiving dinner while working through your holiday gift lists, baking, decorating and socializing at holiday parties.  Yet, this isn’t everyone’s reality. 

The holidays are hard for many people.  Family rifts, separations and losses of loved ones sometimes make the holidays difficult to get through.

While it might be understandable to distance ourselves from the Grinch’s in our lives, there might be other solutions to helping someone through this difficult time.  After all, if we believe in the purpose of the holiday we are celebrating, it really isn’t supposed to be about us.  What if we focused on that person in our lives feeling lost or excluded? Even if we don’t think he will join us for a meal or outing, it is sometimes just about feeling included and wanted, even if he doesn’t attend the gathering. 

Making time to reach out for a call, or to drop off something you know they would enjoy only takes a few minutes out of a busy day. 

For people with vision loss, an offer of a ride to the store to shop, or help in the kitchen to make a favorite recipe   would be met with appreciation.  Holiday cards are hard for someone with vision loss to both give and receive, so adapting a typical greeting card to something crafty like an ornament can be a good substitute for giving out cards.  Most people with vision loss do some type of crafting, and are very good with tactile creations. 

If you know your friend or loved one does not choose to celebrate the holidays, respect that viewpoint.  It never helps to have someone tell us why the holidays are wonderful; that is your perspective, not theirs.  Try to be present in their lives in other ways.  Go out to lunch or dinner; not because it’s a holiday, but because you want to spend time with them.  Bring a non-gift; something you know they will enjoy, but not attach to a holiday gift.  This can be a bottle of wine, scented candle, cookies with no theme, and a great loaf of bread from their favorite bakery.  It’s really about de-emphasizing the holiday and re-emphasizing your caring or love for them.

For those that enjoy the holidays but not the stress associated with it, try eliminating some of the activities or expectations during the season.  No one will complain if you substitute a store bought pie or cookies for home-made.  Friends understand and might even appreciate eliminating the gifts in favor of just spending some time together. There are no party police, so if you aren’t going to enjoy a social gathering, don’t commit to it.  

If someone in your circle has lost a loved one during the holidays, they may associate that loss with the season.  Instead of trying to get them to “move on”, try encouraging them to remember their loved one with a special ceremony.  Setting aside time to remember and acknowledge loved ones that have passed on is a healthy practice.   Setting out a special treat for the birds is a traditional way to celebrate someone’s life.  You can make a pinecone covered in peanut butter and bird seed to hang outside in a tree, or purchase a suet bell.  Crafting a wreath or yule log can also act as a remembrance tradition.  Loved ones deserve to be remembered and talked about, not pushed to the side in sadness.

Holidays are hard sometimes because people are lonely, or have seasonal depression, or struggle with the social constructs of a holiday and its meaning.  Whatever the reason, the antidote is friendship and love.

The best present is to be present in our loved one’s lives, however it is celebrated this season.