Visionaries: Episode 11, Sighted Socialization 101 by Susan Gray
During a peer support group discussion, one of our peers brought up the following uncomfortable situation. She was at a gathering of people that were strangers to her, having a meal at a large table. The other members of the gathering were sighted. She shared that throughout the meal, conversation was going on all around her, but no one spoke to her except her server. She shared that she felt uncomfortable and embarrassed, and did not know how to engage with anyone at the table.
Sadly, this is not at all an uncommon experience for someone blind or disabled. Often, while at social gatherings peers that are blind, when engaged in conversation with someone sighted, are only asked about what it is like to be blind, as if this is the only interesting thing about them.
I did some research online to see if I could find solutions to better interactions for someone blind at a sighted gathering, and found that the vast majority of material only gives suggestions to sighted people about speaking to someone blind. There was no advice for a blind person seeking to converse with someone sighted in a gathering.
This led me to ask the question why people were uncomfortable talking to a person who is blind or disabled. What is it that causes them to shy away from interactions with us? Research indicates that people are more comfortable talking with people most like themselves, and that they may be afraid of doing or saying something to offend a person who is blind. Opportunities to engage with a person who is blind are minimized by the low percentage of blind people in the United States, and many blind people do not venture out socially.
It is doubtful that most people will learn about inclusive conversation at gatherings, so it seems likely the corrective response will fall to the person who is blind. With this in mind, here are some tips for engaging with others at a sighted gathering:
When seated next to others, gently touch the person next to you and introduce yourself to them, asking an opening question like “Have you ever been here before?” This opens the dialog and immediately steers it to a topic of discussion not about your blindness.
If you are engaged about your blindness, politely answer the question, adding “But that isn’t the most interesting thing about me” and fill in with what you want to discuss.
Humor is always a great ice breaker. Have a joke ready to go when you are at a gathering of unfamiliar people.
Your comfort level with where you are and your vision loss usually sets sighted people at ease. Project positive and confident vibes
For someone blind, going alone to a social event is always challenging. From navigating an unfamiliar space to breaking into conversations with nearby participants, the time spent at an event takes concentration and intention. Using self-talk, remind yourself why you wanted to come to the gathering, and what you hoped to get out of being there. Draw on your personal strengths, and if need be, project self-assurance as you speak to other participants.
Remember that people don’t know what they don’t know, and it is unlikely that they have encountered someone blind in a social situation. They may well be as uncomfortable as you, but for different reasons. If your interaction with them goes well, it will perpetuate to the next interaction with someone blind, creating a better experience.
After experiencing a negative social event, the response may be to avoid other social gatherings. We all want to avoid uncomfortable situations, yet, doing so can lead to isolation, and this issue already exists for many people with vision loss.
You are the best teacher for showing others how to interact with you. The more you are in social situations, the better you will get at being comfortable with them. It then becomes possible to focus less on how to interact and more on the interaction itself.
No one wants to be defined by their disability; enter into discussions that let your light shine, and become the person who has so much more of interest than their vision loss.